Oh, Snap!

From Josh Levin's review of Meet the Spartans in Slate:

Friedberg and Seltzer do not practice the same craft as P.T. Anderson, David Cronenberg, Michael Bay, Kevin Costner, the Zucker Brothers, the Wayans Brothers, Uwe Boll, any dad who takes shaky home movies on a camping trip, or a bear who turns on a video camera by accident while trying to eat it.

I have to disagree. Three minutes of the inside of a bear's disgestive system might be worse than Meet the Spartans. But worse than one of Michael Bay's craptastic blockbusters? Doubt it.

Insult of the Day

This feature has been gone from EE for too long. Perhaps, it's been waiting for this:

Realistically the competition is now between Hung and Casey. Both Brian, who makes no sense, and Dale, who makes no sauce, are both plainly outclassed and they know it. You kind of feel bad for Brian, whose years on Ritalin have left him a glassy-eyed surfer strewn on the beach of life with no board.

I love Top Chef. There, I said it. But Gawker's gentle assassinations run a close second.

Insult of the Day

A twofer for the advertising campaign for a movie--I think--about a sheep, a daughter, and a lawyer. Hey, that's what the poster says.

From Variety:

It looks like it was designed by a Bollywood crack-addict.

And from Defamer:

the work of a criminally insane graphic designing hopeful who procrastinated too log before getting started on the final project for his prison's occupational Potoshop-therapy class, but, really, that would be splitting hairs.

Take your pick.

Insult of the Day

From Bob Cesca's Huffington Post column on Scooter Libby's pardon backdoor exit:

"...the same set of googly-eyed Cotton Mathers wanted President Clinton at least impeached and, at most, castrated after he was caught lying to a grand jury about oral sex."

Cotton Mather...an obscure but accurate blast from the past, elevated by "googly-eyed" into the stratosphere. One can almost imagine James Dobson in his modest black wool carrying a torch to the pyre.

3 stars out of 5.

Insult of the Day

From Gawker Stalker, about a sighting of Average Joe Adam Mesh and his two female companions.

"[I] told him he "wasn't average to me" and he said "thanks." Was hanging out with two girls, one of whom had a discount nosejob but an expensive bag.

Nose job snobbery + hot bag envy = loving it (divided by a itsy bitsy bit of loathing).

3 stars out of 5.

Insult of the Day

From Defamer's story about Robin William's antics on the Today Show and his complete lack of blow in his blood:

"It's a vivid reminder that one needn't partake in drugs and alcohol to make a prolific amount of comedy--though they do tend to help immensely in making it seem funny."

Sooooo mean, making fun of someone's addiction.

Four stars out of five.

Insult of the Day

From HuffPo blogger Steve Young, in a letter ostensibly written by Satan, himself:

"But I guess there comes a time for everyone to dig deep, take a good long look at their body of work and examine its value. So it is that I need to apologize for the existence of Ann Coulter. Quite frankly, I don't know what I was thinking."

Subtle, in a college composition class kind of way. (Later, he compares her to a turd, in more of a junior high school bong hit kind of way.)

Three stars out of five.

Insult of the Day

OK. This is complicated. From KarenUhOh via Gawker about The New Republic publisher Marty Peretz. Peretz apparently promised that the new biweekly version of TNR would be 80 pages, but only delivered 56. And blah, blah, Zzzzzzz...

"Marty Peretz? I wouldn't know the man if he was in the stall next to me. My guess is he's about a 40-page douchebag."

Hmmmmm. Perhaps this one probably wasn't worth even the Ctrl-C. But the phrase "40-page douchebag" is one for the ages. Whatever it means.

Two stars out of five.

Insult of the Day

Matt Taibbi in Rolling Stone:

Bush was really not much of a Republican at all – more like a retarded Christian AA version of Woodrow Wilson.

He's not really trying very hard here, but we like where he's going with this.

Three stars out of five.

Hat tip: Daily Dish.

Blog Update

My ongoing feature Insult of the Week has become Insult of the Day. The first post in this new format is below.

Q: Why the change?

A: Visitors like this feature.

Q: Why do people like it?

A: Because they are mean.

Insult of the Week Day

From the Guardian's "Sgt. Pepper Must Die!," a series of interviews with rock celebrities slamming the most overrated albums ever. Here's Billy Childish, "prime mover of British garage rock," dishing Sgt. Pepper.

It sounds like it took six months to shit out. The Beatles were the victims of their success. This is middle-of-the-road rock music for plumbers. Or people who drive round in Citroens - the sort of corporate hippies who ruined rock music.

Me-OUCH! Of course, it would have more bite if anyone knew who the fuck Billy Childish is.
Two stars our of five.

Insult of the Week

From Wonkette about Democratic presidential candidate Mike Gravel's attendance at a gay bar fundraiser. BTW, he's considered a loooooong shot.

Gravel urged the crowd to be true to themselves, be they "gay or lesbian or transvestitite,” and then he took some pills he was handed and danced until 6 a.m. to Hi-NRG.

Then he became very still for fifteen minutes and threw a twink into a lake.

This one takes some effort. You have to know that Mr. Gravel made this ad, and this one, and that he actually exists. And what Hi-NRG is. And that gays like pills. (We do?) Then you have to connect the dots. On your own.

Smart is hot.

Insult of the Week #2

Village Voice headline: Is Eli Roth a poseur or a pussy? Maybe both.

'Nuff said.

Insult of the Week

How Tories see the world. You have to see it to believe it. Best part: Portugal is part of the South Africa, and the East Germany is renamed Commie Federal Republic of Sausage Eating Krauts and Lesboes. Yes, it's old. But it's still mean.

Hat tip: Daily Dish

Insult of the Week

From Gawker's comment page on the Rosie O'Donnell-Elisabeth Hasselbeck dust up:

mitts off the preggo? I don't care is she's carrying an endangered white tiger around in there--if she spouts off bullshit in a public forum, she should be taken to task for it.

A gloves-off street brawl from NYC--with the added benefit of truth! And who doesn't love the Left-Right tussle reflected in the image of an endangered species vs. a pro-life neo con. Beauty.

Insult of the Week

From Michael Musto at the Village Voice:

Even more weight...was lost by Mao PR fashion flack MAURICIO PADILHA, who thanks to relentless training and dieting has shed an entire 180 pounds—which is like if Mary Kate lost Ashley plus a closet full of Vuitton bags.

This one is frothy, weightless fun. Like a razor slice, it takes an extra second to register the pain. One extra star for the Olson twin reference. We'd almost forgotten about them.

Four stars out of five.

Insult of the Week

From Defamer:

...an unsolicited glimpse into the well-ventilated mind of Cameron Diaz.

Well-ventilated. It's like a child's drawing of a murder--colorful and fun on the surface, but scary and clinical underneath. Perfection!

Four stars out of five.